I’m a Gen X man, and like most of the guys I know, I’ve spent a lifetime watching the rules of manhood change under my feet. Every ten or fifteen years, it seems like what it means to "be a man" is up for grabs again. Most of us never got much guidance—just a shrug and a "you’ll figure it out." Whether we’re gay, bi, or straight, we end up facing a lot of the same confusion and loneliness, secretly wishing for a deeper sense of connection.

We grew up being told to be tough, keep our feelings to ourselves, and handle things on our own. Nobody really taught us how to handle complicated emotions or build close relationships. Most of us made it up as we went along, stuck inside this invisible "man box." The original concept, known as the "Act Like a Man Box," was created in the early 1980s by Paul Kivel, Allan Creighton, and their colleagues at the Oakland Men's Project, and later refined by educator and activist Tony Porter.

This "man box" isn’t written down anywhere, but we all know it: don’t show weakness, don’t talk about feelings, don’t reach out for a hug unless it’s a joke. When you live by those rules, it gets lonely fast. You lose touch with yourself and others. A lot of us are only now realizing how cramped and limiting that box really is.

I’ve spent over twenty years as a massage therapist and men’s wellness educator, and I’ve seen firsthand what happens when men finally get the chance to step outside old patterns. We’re often told that what we’re experiencing in our 40s or 50s is a “midlife crisis,” but I see it as a real opportunity for growth. The so-called crisis is usually just our emotions demanding attention—a natural point in life where we have to stop, reflect, and make some adjustments. Unfortunately, because most of us never learned real emotional skills, this reflection can feel overwhelming and sometimes destructive. I’ve seen men sabotage relationships, careers, or even their own sense of self, often not understanding what’s driving them. But with the right support, this stage can actually become a turning point—a chance to develop the emotional maturity we never got when we were younger.

In my men’s massage practice, BRLMT, I see touch as a doorway that can do what endless talking can’t. Many approaches to men’s work focus on talking in circles or unloading feelings, but I offer something different. At BRLMT, the focus is on connecting through safe, consensual touch—without the pressure to “perform” emotionally or verbally. Instead of sitting in our heads or getting stuck in cycles of anger or blame, we use bodywork

to get grounded, present, and genuinely connected. There’s a lot of noise out there about what men’s growth should look like, but at BRLMT, it’s about finding what actually works for you—in your own body, on your own terms.

So in this liminal space of the midlife man, where do we turn, given that not many of us Gen Xers can even confidently define a feeling? At BRLMT, I’ve found that focused, one-on-one bodywork between men brings a whole different kind of breakthrough. There’s something about quiet, shared presence that reconnects you to yourself and, in a safe setting, to another person. It’s grounding, surprisingly healing, and doesn’t require words.

Don’t get me wrong—there are times when talk therapy is essential, and there are moments when real trauma needs the support of a professional. I’m not saying bodywork replaces those things. But for many of us, starting with the body can open doors that endless words sometimes can’t. Maybe we need to return to our original form of communication so we can start there and build the skills needed to find our authentic voice? Who really knows.

In my massage practice, BRLMT, the atmosphere is relaxed, and there’s no pressure to perform or talk things out. Each session begins by setting clear boundaries and discussing consent—what’s on the table and what isn’t. Sometimes a session is a simple hand on a shoulder, sometimes a full massage, and sometimes it’s just sitting quietly and breathing together. Everyone’s experience is different, and that’s part of its beauty. I work with men who want to experience all kinds of touch, always with clear communication and consent. The breadth of consensual men’s touch is vast, and BRLMT is a space to safely explore what feels right for you.

Growing up, we got even less advice about what to do with our bodies and our intrapersonal emotions—just vague warnings or silence. When it came to sex, pleasure, or desire, the guidance was even more scarce, especially for those of us who were LGBTQI. For all Gen Xers, the AIDS epidemic cast a long, terrifying shadow, equating sex with danger or even death. So it’s no wonder so many of us are only now relearning how to listen to what we want or need, and how to separate old fear from present possibility. Working together lets us rewrite that script, find safety and comfort in touch, and reconnect with pleasure in ways that feel honest and alive.

What stands out to me is how quickly walls can come down in this kind of work. I’ve seen clients arrive tense or uncertain, and leave relaxed, sometimes even playful, just from sharing safe touch and quiet presence. In my practice, it’s not about fixing anyone or unloading emotional baggage. Instead, it’s about getting curious with your own body, finding what feels good, and learning how to be comfortable—really comfortable—in your own skin again. That’s where real growth and healing start. That’s when the old baggage quietly fades away on its own.

Now that we’re hitting this next stage of life, it’s more important than ever to keep growing, playing, and learning about ourselves. If you’re a Gen X guy reading this, know that you’re not alone—many of us are searching for connection, meaning, and a sense of home in our own bodies.

If you’re ready to explore something new, reach out to BRLMT. Step outside that old man box and experience what it’s like to reconnect—with yourself and through safe, consensual touch. Whether you’re curious, hesitant, or ready to dive in, there’s space for you here. It’s never too late to find a new version of yourself, experience the power of touch, and build the life you yearn for. There’s no single way to be a man, but there are countless ways to feel more fully alive. I’d be honored to help you find yours.